When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
