Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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