just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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