can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
