Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
