Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The Olympian is in my bed
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
