Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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