Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
