i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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