I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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