I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
