you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
