thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
