Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So vagazzling was a success
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
