we have pet lesbian snakes
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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