i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
