i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize