I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
