there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
