Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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