Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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