Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
