Kiss
Puke
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
