This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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