Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
