If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
pop tarts are not kleenex
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
