it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
