then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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