I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Welp...herpes.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
