Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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