Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
