I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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