i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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