So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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