Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
