He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Randomize
