Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
