I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
