My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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