Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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