Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Randomize