Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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