no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
