i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
