she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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