So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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