he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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