She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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