I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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