How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
