Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize