I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
