I heard we made out
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
