ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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