yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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