she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize