im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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