Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
there was a trapeze. enough said
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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