where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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