I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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