I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
