thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
