the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
