OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
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