You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I wish there were birth control emojis
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My ass is underappreciated
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
