We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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