I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
