Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
