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Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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